The Lies of Loneliness

Have you ever felt alone in a crowded room? I’m guessing you have…at least once. But let me take it a little further. Have you ever felt alone in your family or with a group of friends? I think that can feel like a different kind of loneliness. It’s one thing not to know someone and feel alone. It’s a whole different thing to be around people who know and love you and still feel lonely.

I’ve felt this. If you have too, then I’d like to invite you to spend a few minutes with me here and walk through this together. Let’s start by looking at Jesus. He’s always a good place to start. I was thinking about His life recently, and a question popped into my head: Was Jesus ever lonely?

Scripture never tells us that Jesus ever said, “I’m lonely,” so I don’t want to put a feeling on Him that the Bible doesn’t. But when I look at His life, I think there were definitely some circumstances when loneliness would’ve been understandable.

Of course, Jesus didn’t live an isolated life. Nothing could be further from the truth! He had family, disciples, close friends, and crowds that followed Him everywhere. If you’re a parent of a toddler, I’m betting you can relate to the “everywhere” part right now. Most of us can understand that being surrounded by people, including toddlers, isn’t necessarily the opposite of being lonely. It goes deeper than that. We want to feel understood.

Jesus knew what it was like to be surrounded by people and not be fully understood. At first, His own brothers didn’t believe in Him. His disciples often missed what He was trying to teach them. People followed Him for what He could do for them, only to walk away when His teaching became difficult or asked something of them. Even those closest to Him didn’t always understand what He was experiencing.

Scripture doesn’t tell us exactly what Jesus felt in each of those moments. But I do know those are the kinds of moments that would leave me feeling lonely. Especially when someone I thought would understand me or be there for me… just isn’t.

That got me thinking about Jesus in Gethsemane. If you’re not familiar with this moment or need a refresher, Jesus told Peter, James, and John, “My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death. Stay here and keep watch with me.” Matthew 26:38 NIV

The “Stay here with me” part caught my attention. There’s something really tender about that. Jesus was on His way to pray. He knew His Father was with Him, but He still wanted the friends He trusted nearby. Unfortunately, they fell asleep. Three times!

There’s something so relatable about this. Sometimes I wonder if I look at loneliness as something I need to overcome spiritually. I’ve questioned whether needing encouragement, connection, or someone with me somehow means I don’t trust God enough. That’s such a hard thing to wrestle with!

But in this moment, Jesus doesn’t seem less faithful to God because He wanted His people nearby. Maybe I shouldn’t either. Maybe feeling lonely doesn’t have to mean something is wrong with me or that God is far away. It doesn’t mean I’m not thankful for the people I have in my life who care about me. Sometimes, loneliness might simply mean that we want to be known, understood, or connected.

But I’m also learning that loneliness can be a little tricky. It can start interpreting our circumstances for us. And those interpretations aren’t necessarily true.

Nobody called, so nobody cares.

I wasn’t invited, so I don’t belong.

Someone I love feels distant, so I must not matter to them.

I feel alone, so I must actually be alone.

Sounding familiar? I get it. This can be me! Sometimes my thoughts speak a different language than what’s true.

But we can learn something from Jesus. Our feelings are real. We don’t have to deny them. We don’t even have to hurry and fix them. And we don’t have to pretend that just because we know God, we’ll never feel lonely.

What we can do is acknowledge it, be honest with God about it, and reach out to people we trust. Most importantly, we have to be careful not to let a moment of loneliness tell us who we are. Because feeling lonely is different than being alone. Maybe say that out loud to yourself.

More importantly, Jesus understands. He knows what it’s like to be misunderstood and let down. He promises to be with us (Matthew 28:20 NASB). This gives my heart something to hold onto when loneliness starts sneaking lies into my thoughts.

So maybe the next time loneliness shows up as an uninvited guest, instead of automatically believing what it’s telling us, we stop and ask ourselves: Is this what I’m feeling, or is this what I know to be true?

Maybe this is where our mindset begins to shift. We don’t have to ignore what we’re feeling, but we can question what those feelings are telling us.

We can feel lonely without believing we’re forgotten.

We can feel misunderstood without believing we're unseen.

We can wish someone were with us without believing we’re alone.

You and I might not know each other very well, but if you’re walking through any of these moments, we’re in it together. We’re not alone. We have Jesus!