Heart Over Habit
It’s amazing to me that my husband and I can each make our bed, but the end result can look very different. When I make it, I like to make sure everything is straight, no sheets peeking out from under the comforter, and the pillows are placed with intention. My husband has a different perspective. As long as the comforter is on the bed he’s done. And he takes the term ‘throw pillows’ literally as he tosses them haphazardly toward the bed. It’s like he’s going through the motions without really looking at the end result.
One morning as I was editing his efforts with a hint of frustration, my heart felt an immediate conviction. I’ve learned that I need to pay attention when this happens because it’s usually something that I call a “Holy Spirit Nudge.” In this case, the nudge brought to my attention was that I go through the motions too, and it extends beyond household chores. It happens in my personal life — as a wife, mom, and friend. Sometimes it can even happen at work. I do all of the things I need to do or what’s expected, but sometimes my heart isn’t focused where it should be. My focus is on the ‘what’ and not the ‘why’ — or more importantly, the ‘who.’ It becomes about checking a box and not connection. Or in other words, I’m going through the motions.
So as I reached for the pillow my husband had clearly tossed, I took a little look into my heart and had a deeper realization. Sometimes I do the same thing in my relationship with Jesus.
If any of this resonates with you, can I gently say that our faith was never meant to become a function? I’ll admit, this truth brings a little conviction of my own.
Faith was never meant to be reduced to the things we do — the heart behind what we do matters. When life, and even our faith, becomes more about the checkmarks, we can begin to feel a disconnect. Sometimes we don’t even notice it’s happening…until we do. Maybe we feel an emptiness, lack of fulfillment, frustration, or even a sense that God feels far away.
Now, I realize that distance can be caused by a lot of different circumstances: grief, depression, unanswered prayers, an unexpected life change or sometimes we just go through a dry season in our faith. But sometimes, and I’m guilty of this, the distance I feel is a clue that my focus has shifted. I need to be looking and operating out of a lens of faith, not function.
If you’ve ever felt this or are feeling it now, maybe you’re asking, “So, how do we change?” John explains it well and writes about it beautifully in 1 John 4:16 (NLT):
“We know how much God loves us, and we have put our trust in his love. God is love, and all who live in love live in God, and God lives in them.”
Some translations use the word “abide.” I love the image of abiding. In the original Greek, the word “abide” is menō and means to remain or stay. God isn’t asking us to earn His love. He’s inviting us to remain in the love He’s already given us.
It’s so much more than simply saying, “Yes,” to Jesus. The yes matters, but it isn’t the finish line. It’s the beginning of a lifelong relationship with Him. Church, Bible study, serving, and for me, even my Jesus Time, are all really good things. But, they were never intended to be part of a checklist. They can be places that foster a deeper connection when they flow from relationship, not obligation.
Abiding in God’s love means remaining connected to Him and allowing that relationship to shape how we live. As we stay connected to Him, the way we approach our everyday lives begins to change. We begin to operate in love and not legalism, freedom and not function, and grace and not grudges — even when you’re remaking the bed after your husband…again.
When we abide in Him, another beautiful thing happens. Our perspective begins to shift. In John 15, Jesus says that His joy can be in us and that our joy can be made full. It’s a joy deeper than a momentary happiness based on the things we do or feel in any given moment. I think that sounds lovely in every way.
God isn’t asking or expecting me to make my life look perfectly arranged. He’s not asking that of you either. But I find that I’m my own worst enemy when it comes to trying to get things done. Thankfully we have an open invitation to stay close to Jesus. And when we do that, the things we do flow from relationship, not accomplishment. Sometimes we might need a little reminder…like the misplaced ‘throw’ pillow He used to get my attention. Because He’s not just interested in what we’re doing for Him. He wants our hearts connected to Him while doing it. I think that’s a lovely place to be.